Is writing really what I want to do?
Months ago, I shared with you guys my writing journey and I told you that I’m working on this YA fantasy/sci-fi book. And now, I’m embarrassed and ashamed to confess that I’ve only sat down twice in front of my netbook to actually write. I’ve done some research, named some characters, have done some semi world building but I haven’t done the actual writing.
I had a lot of dreams growing up. I wanted to be a flight attendant, a teacher, an architect, a scientist, an astronaut, a reporter. For each dream I have done something to make it happen. I used to teach my cousins when I was young (I’m actually studying Education right now even though I don’t want to), I used to draw/design houses (I was so bad at it!), I practiced to be a good reporter. Okay so I actually haven’t done anything to be a flight attendant (do you count dressing up my paper dolls as flight attendants?) a scientist and a reporter (I did a lot of imagining of what I would do when I become a scientist though and I also watched a ton of sci-fi movies and science related documentaries).
I already told you about my writing journey so I wouldn’t dwell on that for long but right now my number dream and goal is to work in publishing. So now my writing took a backseat for my new dream.
I’m still in love with writing though I’m frustrated with my writing style right now. I feel like I need to tell a story and if I haven’t shown that story to the world I know my dream to be a published author would never really go away.
Here’s the problem: I suck at the actual writing part. I have a lot of ideas for book I want to write but the actual writing part? To be honest, I dread it. I also feel sacred whenever I write. I’m scared because my writing sucks. I’m scared that I can’t find the right words to tell. I’m scared that I will never be good enough for myself.
I must be the most terrible writer in the whole wide world. I always dream of fictional worlds and fictional people but yet I don’t sit down and write. I dread writing. I don’t know why but I used to love it. I used to love spitting out words and creating stories. But now, not as much and maybe it’s because writing used to be easy for me but not anymore.
The other day, I stumbled upon this blog post which tells 10 reason of why writers need to join NaNoWriMo in November. I’m instantly convinced! It’s actually my dream to join NaNoWriMo (and win!). But now I’m scared. Can I actually do it? Write 1,700+ words daily, for a month? Wouldn’t I get tired? Frustrated? Lost?
Last summer, I had this opportunity to enter a contest to be an intern at this writing company thingy (lol I can’t even categorize the company) and I let it pass just because I’m scared. Now, I have another opportunity to write and win at this another contest. I’m motivated to finally just do it. Just sit down and write.
Is this really what I want? Do I really want to be a writer? A published author? Do I even deserve to be one? Is writing really for me?
Did you have the same writing doubts? Have you overcome them? Tell me how!