Is Writing Really For Me?

Is Writing Really For Me

Is writing really what I want to do?

Months ago, I shared with you guys my writing journey and I told you that I’m working on this YA fantasy/sci-fi book. And now, I’m embarrassed and ashamed to confess that I’ve only sat down twice in front of my netbook to actually write. I’ve done some research, named some characters, have done some semi world building but I haven’t done the actual writing.

I had a lot of dreams growing up. I wanted to be a flight attendant, a teacher, an architect, a scientist, an astronaut, a reporter. For each dream I have done something to make it happen. I used to teach my cousins when I was young (I’m actually studying Education right now even though I don’t want to), I used to draw/design houses (I was so bad at it!), I practiced to be a good reporter. Okay so I actually haven’t done anything to be a flight attendant (do you count dressing up my paper dolls as flight attendants?) a scientist and a reporter (I did a lot of imagining of what I would do when I become a scientist though and I also watched a ton of sci-fi movies and science related documentaries).

I already told you about my writing journey so I wouldn’t dwell on that for long but right now my number dream and goal is to work in publishing. So now my writing took a backseat for my new dream.

I’m still in love with writing though I’m frustrated with my writing style right now. I feel like I need to tell a story and if I haven’t shown that story to the world I know my dream to be a published author would never really go away.

Here’s the problem: I suck at the actual writing part. I have a lot of ideas for book I want to write but the actual writing part? To be honest, I dread it. I also feel sacred whenever I write. I’m scared because my writing sucks. I’m scared that I can’t find the right words to tell. I’m scared that I will never be good enough for myself.

I must be the most terrible writer in the whole wide world. I always dream of fictional worlds and fictional people but yet I don’t sit down and write. I dread writing. I don’t know why but I used to love it. I used to love spitting out words and creating stories. But now, not as much and maybe it’s because writing used to be easy for me but not anymore.

The other day, I stumbled upon this blog post which tells 10 reason of why writers need to join NaNoWriMo in November. I’m instantly convinced! It’s actually my dream to join NaNoWriMo (and win!). But now I’m scared. Can I actually do it? Write 1,700+ words daily, for a month? Wouldn’t I get tired? Frustrated? Lost?

Last summer, I had this opportunity to enter a contest to be an intern at this writing company thingy (lol I can’t even categorize the company) and I let it pass just because I’m scared. Now, I have another opportunity to write and win at this another contest. I’m motivated to finally just do it. Just sit down and write.

Is this really what I want? Do I really want to be a writer? A published author? Do I even deserve to be one? Is writing really for me?

Did you have the same writing doubts? Have you overcome them? Tell me how!


6 thoughts on “Is Writing Really For Me?

  1. You can’t imagine how many great and best-selling authors have felt what you are feeling now at some point in their lives. We all think we suck at some point. It’s perfectly normal. You don’t suck! You just need motivation, and you need to keep writing. Don’t worry about how your writing looks for now, leave that for the revising/ editing stage. Just write, write, write. I know this because I have the same problem. I have all these ideas in my head and somehow I can never put them out there. But this time this is going to change. If you want some motivation & inspiration, feel free to check my writing posts , I mention some reading material there too. And even if you learn writing by writing, and not reading; reading does help a lot too! If you can learn about other author’s experiences, understand they have felt the same way, and they have finally succeeded, maybe that can inspire and motivate you too! I am with you! We can do this:)
    Nya recently posted…Rory B. Mackay – Author Interview + GiveawayMy Profile

    1. Whenever I write I usually correct everything I feel that are “wrong”. You’re right maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on myself and just write what I like. 😀

  2. I had those same thoughts when I was in high school, and while I ended up discovering that being an author wasn’t in my future at this point, it was still something really important for me to think about! I ended up writing two full novels and nearly finished a third before I decided that they were just written for myself and that’s okay. But – NaNoWriMo was the start of that journey and discovery! It gave me the push I needed to finish a book, and then I was able to go from there. So whatever you decide, I think NaNo will be a great idea for you; even if you don’t hit the 50K mark, it’s still SOMETHING 😀
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Getting Opinionated about “The Future of YA”My Profile

  3. I feel you. I have this struggle constantly. And then I also have this added problem of watching people like, a decade younger than me in some cases making these huge deals, and I am just sitting here with a few words typed into a Google Doc feeling like a life failure.

    I actually have the opposite struggle: I want to write ALL the things, but I doubt my creativity. So it’s hard. I am going to try NaNo again I think, but it’s a hard decision. Last year I tried and failed so miserably I didn’t even think it was possible. I had mini-reviews longer than the amount of words I ended up with in NaNo. And then I look back and think “wow, a whole year has gone by?” and feel crappier 😉

    I think ultimately, you won’t know if you don’t try. Give it a shot if you have the time. See how you feel WHILE you are writing. And if it ends up not being for you, there is no shame in that at ALL! I am also about 100% certain that you do NOT suck. So there’s that too 😀 Good luck, and if you ever want to chat about writing woes, you know where to find me!
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight recently posted…This Week At Midnight (83)My Profile

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